One Liners

My first boyfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months. Body like a Greek statue — completely pale, no arms. I hear you ask. My observational comedy improved. I hardly ever visit Syria. Asking for a friend. She was wearing massive gloves. Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal. Not all of it. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees; apparently she stood him up!

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When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks! What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

PICTURE PERFECT. If a picture paints a thousand words, you’ll need them all to describe the colors of the Mediterranean. Each bend in the coastline reveals a new contrast, from the lavender fields of Provence and the red, yellow and orange houses of Cinque Terre to the mosaics of Istanbul’s Blue Mosque and Santorini’s whitewashed, blue-domed churches draped in fuchsia bougainvillea.

In the case of some shorter works, the entire song is included. And as we wind on down the road our shadows taller than our soul there walks a lady we all know who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold and if you listen very hard the tune will come to you at last when all are one and one is all to be a rock and not to roll.

How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found, Was blind, but now I see. Through many dangers, toils, and snares, I have already come: And I’d love to be with you if only I could. We’re captive on the carousel of time. We can’t return, we can only look Behind from where we came, And go round and round and round in the circle game. Racing around to come up behind you again.

The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older. Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. Are you sorry we drifted apart? Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day? When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?

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The Story After the silent opening credits influenced by director Martin Ritt’s film The Front , starring Woody Allen , the opening scene has the main character indistinguishable from Woody Allen himself, dressed in a tweed jacket, red plaid shirt, and his black-framed spectacles speaking intimately and directly to the audience viewer in a full, stark closeup.

He tells two key Jewish jokes in a stand-up, vaudeville-style monologue. In his first joke, he satirizes his own feelings about life and its miserable shortcomings:

The most important monument in Pasargadae is the tomb of Cyrus the Great. It has six broad steps leading to the sepulchre, the chamber of which measures m long by m wide by m high and has a low and narrow entrance.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. There are two times a man does’nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage! A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man! A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife! Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die!

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Disclaimer Famous One-Liners There are literally thousands of popular one liners in English and also in other languages. This List of quotes and sayings commonly used in everyday conversational English, can help to speak English like a native speaker by learning English idiomatic expressions and proverbs. Funny One Liners When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. The last thing I want to do is insult you.

Annie Hall (), from director-actor-co-writer Woody Allen, is a quintessential masterpiece of priceless, witty and quotable one-liners within a matured, focused and thoughtful film. It is a bittersweet romantic comedy of modern contemporary love and urban relationships (a great successor to.

Schmidt produced a series of aerial photographs of the entire complex. Dating to the 5th-4th centuries BC, the treasure consists of ornate Achaemenid jewellery made from gold and precious gems and is now housed in the National Museum of Iran and the British Museum. Despite planning that has stretched over 10 years, Iran’s own Iranian Cultural Heritage Organization was not aware of the broader areas of flooding during much of this time.

Its placement between both the ruins of Pasargadae and Persepolis has many archaeologists and Iranians worried that the dam will flood these UNESCO World Heritage sites, although scientists involved with the construction say this is not obvious because the sites sit above the planned waterline. Of the two sites, Pasargadae is the one considered to be more threatened.

Experts agree that the planning of future dam projects in Iran will merit an earlier examination of the risks to cultural resource properties. Construction of the dam began April 19, , with the height of the waterline limited so as to mitigate damage to the ruins.

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Got some humorous one-liners, observations, deep thoughts, self-defacing intros, Henny Youngmanesque stuff E-mail your submissions to the Bit-O-Humor staff. This is stuff that can work good for liners and closing remarks. Newer contributions are at placed at the top: It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m actually quite busy. If you go to a bookstore and ask them where the ‘Self-Help’ section is, would that defeat the purpose?

The SS Île de France was a French ocean liner that was built in Saint-Nazaire, France, for the Compagnie Générale Transatlantique (or CGT, also known as the “French Line”). The ship was christened in , and commenced her maiden voyage on June 22, It was the first major ocean liner built after the conclusion of World War I, and was the first liner ever to be decorated almost.

Funny one liners on relationships 1. There are two theories to arguing with women. I think, therefore I’m single. If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it. Something tells me that I shouldn’t date until the world makes sense again. Divorce – from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him. Misery doesn’t love company

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It was initially established as a free internet dating website but in the year it was re-launched, again on Valentine’s Day, as a subscription-fee-based service. Today, there are around 10 million users and the number continues to sprout. The number might sound low compared to other top internet dating websites, but this could mean that it is more intimate with only genuine people looking to meet singles online.

The website caters for all sexual orientations, religions, ethnicities, and more. No matter which walk of life you come from, Date.

From the Marx Brothers to The Simpsons, Richard Pryor to Amy Schumer: bits, sketches, and one-liners that changed humor forever.

Compulsory Shuttle to town: Not required Nearest airport: Invergordon — “the small friendly village with the big Cruise Liner Port”. Invergordon lies in a particularly beautiful part of the Highlands of Scotland. The village lies near the head of a Firth or Fjord on an arm of the North Sea, and is surrounded by mountains and gentle rolling farmland.

The unique features of Invergordon lie in the ability to dock several large liners simultaneously, whilst at the same time offering a very large number of different and exciting shore excursions which appeal to the passengers on board these liners. Virtually every cruise line that calls at North European ports, calls at Invergordon at least once a year and frequently more often. With easy access, deep water, shelter and only 5 miles from the open sea, Invergordon has already had liners such as Queen Mary 2 and Crown Princess dock to showcase the beautiful Highlands of Scotland.

This part of Scotland is particularly suited to active pursuits with golfing, cycling, hill walking, mountain biking, nature spotting and adventure parks all well represented. Invergordon itself is a small friendly village with a famous mural trail including 11 large coloured wall paintings representing life in the Highlands past and present. Popular Excursions The following is a list of popular excursions that are available.

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